In Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh’s latest book, The Art of Communicating, he talks about the 6 Mantras of loving speeches, and I know he is on to something very important – how to keep the door of communication open.
They come in this particular order, and before you say any of the mantras, perform 3 “breathe in, breathe out” to bring calm to yourself:
I am here for you.
Powerful statement to show you are present and you are there with the other person. Or say this to yourself to bring you to the present.
I know you are there, and I am very happy.
Say this after you have practiced the first one. This mantra is important to reaffirm that the presence of the other person means a lot to you, and they will feel they are loved.
I know you suffer, and that is why I am here for you.
When you sense that things are not going well with the other person, rather than trying to fix things for her or him, say this to offer your presence.
I suffer. I want you to know it. I don’t understand why you did or said what you did. So please explain. I need your help.
I suffer, please help.
When you get hurt especially by someone you care a lot about, you either suffer silently or get back at the other person. By saying this, you open a dialogue, and you immediately suffer less.
This is a happy moment.
You show the other person how lucky you feel when they are there, and you can enjoy happiness together right here and right now.
You are partly right.
This is the mantra when you are praised through the moon by someone, or when someone criticizes you. They see only a part of you and not the total you. You can use this when you look at other people too. Maybe you become more understanding.
I also learned it’s key to have compassion and understanding of yourself. That then allows you to have compassion for others and understand their suffering.
Rather than getting angry at how other people respond and react, you can see their suffering and respond to them with compassion. But you need to look at your own suffering first and have compassion for yourself. Only then can you experience compassion for others.
Understanding – Compassion – Connection – Happiness