How many of you loved spending time with your mother and father? Loved to hear them tell you they loved you when they tucked you into that warm comfortable bed at night. I’m sure a lot of you! Well, I didn’t have any of those great memorable experiences as a child. Instead, I was placed in foster care, due to a drug addicted mother whose semi-permanent residence was jail and a father who had passed away when I was very young. My sister and I ended up being placed in foster care.
Although, my sister and I were together, the life she had differed vastly from mine! She was always shown favoritism. While she had a bed to sleep in all the time, most times I was given the cold hardwood floors. When I did get the luxury of a bed, if I wet it, the porch became my bed at that point. However, not before I beaten with plastic bats or extension cords while still in the wet clothes. Often while sleeping outside, my sister would feel so bad and come out and check on me.
Also, as a result of wetting the bed; my sister would sneak to bring me food as I wasn’t given any. I soon turned to stealing food or lack thereof. I would steal jelly packets to eat with pecans that fell from the pecan tree, frozen hot dogs from and eat them just as. On days when I would get a meal, I would lick my plate clean when no one was looking. Even if I would have chicken, I would eat the bones knowing I wouldn’t be getting another meal soon.
I even stole ex-lax, thinking it was candy. So, you know how that turned out! I went through so many mixed emotions and feelings as a child. I was cold, confused, hurt, lonely and scared. As I got older, I still really had no “real” parents to look up to.
Men from the neighborhood and coaches from my sports teams became those that influenced me the most. I was still troubled, seeing that I was on a roller coaster ride of a life. It affected me a great deal! So much, that in 2014, I started to give up on life! I was so angry with God that I begin to fight! Not physically fight anyone but fight God.
I would swing into the air while cursing. I would cry and ask God why he allowed me to go through so many hardships? Why he had allowed me to go through not one, but two divorces? I found myself drowning in the same emotions I once felt as a child. I was angry, now frustrated, and confused!
But it wasn’t until I sat still and began to hear a voice. A voice that said, “I was responsible.” At that moment, instead of fighting God, I began to listen and develop a relationship with him! I started to understand that I wasn’t responsible for the pain I felt as a child. No! I was responsible for holding on that pain as a child and allowing it to carry over into my adulthood.
You see, everyone that played a vital part in my growing up didn’t treat me bad. I held on to the bad treatment that I received and held it to a higher regard then the good. I turned my anger into poor choices, being a follower and not a leader. This ultimately led to me giving up on life.
I soon after started working on myself day and night. I would read, study, and watch anything that would help me better myself. The movie “The Secret,” was a major positive influence. I even got a life coach! That one person told me I was somebody and showed me the way. This is why, I became a Personal Development Coach. Now, I live to motivate those that are lost but hungry for a change.
I now live in optimism! So, you see, the past doesn’t equal my future. I want to spread to others the same the thing. Life happens for you, not against you! Always remember that!
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